You're not mine anymore~

New place, new people

So I moved .

I don't know if I should say to a better place or worst . I just saw it as a new place . New people . New culture . New environment . I'm not used to all those stuff .

I met lots of people here . I learned a lot from people too . You see , back in Selangor and KL , I never really get a chance to be friends or even having a classmate who was born in a hardship in their life . But here , most of them are . My homeroom mates , also known as 'Mentor Menti' in DABB , most of them are from the needy - Anak nelayan , stayed with their grandparents , pengawal keselamatan . What really touches me is that , one of them , who's very cheerful from our batch , very kind and helpful - never show signs of complaining . He lost his mother and his father is a Tukang sapu . Can you imagine how hard life could be for him ? Me neither .

I felt bad . I even felt so embarrassed to tell them my parents' job .

As if I don't belong here . Like there must be lots of people who apply for this MRSM need this more than I do . I can stay in DABB , survive there . People like them need this opportunity . But I was chosen . Chosen ? See , I don't know why .

Last week , there was like a test . My friends and the other students did it confidently . But I didn't . It really makes me wonder then , why was I chosen ?

Don't get me wrong , it doesn't mean that I like it here . I don't really do . Because you know , I like home , not hostel . Life in hostel sucks . You have to follow all the rules and shit . Like you're in some kind of prison . Sticking on a schedule for the rest of the year . Oh . wait . For 2 years . I don't understand how they can stand it .

And your leisure time still feels like you're in prison - stressed out .

Not gonna lie , met lots of hypocrite people . They told us not to do this , not to do that - this is wrong , that is wrong . But they end up doing the things that they told us not to . How shit is that ? You really have to keep it inside like bodoh for the sake of your batch . Pshft , really ? If I'm the one who did all those fuss , I don't think people my age there is involve . That's why I told you - new culture .

And they have this spirit of racist . This batch fights with this batch , searching for other batch's mistakes and make it as an excuse to hate them . Really ? I don't like this kind of stuff . This place needs to change . Literally . Even the way they judge people is bullshit . I don't do judging or assuming people's behavior by just looking at their facial expression .

You see , my problem is that I don't smile much here anymore like I always do in DABB . For some reason . So then people tend to judge that I'm arrogant . How the f .. I mean , they didn't even smile at me , why would I wanna smile back when deep inside I wanna scream how much I wanna go home ? I'm not a hypocrite , faking my feelings when it's too much to bear .

And to be honest , I'm not myself there .

To all my friends , don't worry about me here :) . Sooner or later I might get used to all those bullshitness . But lets just pray I won't end up having the negative side of them . Goodluck with school and stuff . Sorry for letting go the opportunity of meeting you guys . I did't mean it .

Love you guys .