You're not mine anymore~

Sometimes it's hard :')

Assalamualaikum :)

Hi people , may your day be bless by Allah S.W.T . Life's getting tougher now . I got to grow stronger to face every minute of my life . Lots of things happened . Tak sampai 3 months pun , dah banyak dugaan . I don't know what's wrong with me . I'm puzzled by my own actions . I act without even thinking bout the consequences . What's worst is that I don't know that I'm hurting the people I love .

I'm losing friends . Yes , I am . I don't even know who's my best friend . Am I even a worthy friend ? I've tried my best to make my friends happy . Tried my best . But it doesn't matter how hard I try , there'll be something wrong . Something that I don't even realize I was doing it . I'm not perfect . But in the end , who does ? Even the prophet Muhammad made mistakes .

I've been the worst friend ever , I know . I don't even know what to do when I saw my friend cried because of me . I'm a coward in apologizing . Maybe because I'm scared that my past will repeat . Maybe cause I'm scared to hear that they won't be able to forgive me . Yes , I'm a fucking coward . My friends deserves better , they don't deserve someone that's very selfish like me . And I don't deserve them , I kept on hurting them . But I need them . I need someone to act silly with , to share my secrets and feelings .

But life isn't that cruel . Despite of the bad times , there's always the bright sight . I have this very awesome friend that I really close to . But we didn't communicate in school , we just act silly online . He's great . He gives me advice and we talk alot . From teasing to secrets . I'm grateful of having him . He understands me just like a brother would understand his little sister .

People come and go in our lives . I really wish I could go back in time , where I could feel again how is it like to be a little kid . Where goodbyes only last until tomorrow . Where what hurts the most is having a bruise on my knee . And fighting with best friends only last for a few minutes . But it was only just a dream . Life must go on . Doesn't matter how hard it is .

With love ,
Afiqah :')