What's wrong ????
Okay, this is way to much ! I mean, I thought that my nightmare just ended.. But I was wrong !! It's just the beginning .. I thought that my emoness decreasing.. But it's getting worse within days !.. I don't know what to do now.. And YEAH, I started cutting myself back like usual.. Now I know, I was born for no HAPPINESS. I never meant to feel it.. My parents always thinks what best for me ! My future.. But what about my happiness ? If I have bright future but no happiness, it's totally waste .. Even the happiness does happen, it will last for less then 24 hours.. I know that I'm not alone in this small world. But feel like I am. Cause no one cares bout me. And no one will.. Not even a single person.. No one understands me.. Either do I. My life is so complicated. My misery can't describe by words.. I know there's someone worse than me, but I don't care ! All I want now is just to be HAPPY ! I'm sick of fake laugh and fake smile ! I want real ones !!
Can someone tell me this is just a dream ?? When will this nightmare end ? I thought I would only feel miserable in 2010.. But I was wrong... ! Wanna know bout my UPSR result ? I just get 4A 1B ! FUCK ! Most of my friends in KL get 5A ! Not fair.. Everytime my friends ask me bout my result, all I say was '' Non of your business/ Never Mind/ I'm stupid/ Shut up''.. I don't deserve the 'congratulations' word.. I want 5A ! That's what I want. And my parents was upset bout my result. What will I say to my cousins ? Grandparents ? Aunties ?? Friends ? Should I be proud and say, ''Nah.. It's easy, so I just get 4A 1B..''..
I know there's more exams ahead, but I've failed for my first exam that I took for once in a life time ... Could I success in the coming exams ?
YEAH, I'm stupid. I admit it.. Stupid than the stupides !
So now, I'm emo back. MORE EMO ! Not because of friendship or relationship.. It's because I never meant to be HAPPY.. Every time when someone hurt me or makes me cry, I won't hurt that person back or take my revenge on him/her.. I would hurt myself back to release the feel of madnees. Cause I know, if I take my revenge, I make things getting worst !
Kay, gtg back to my FUCKING life..
Buhbye..
Labels: bullshit, emo, lonely, wrong decision
